Ex-member: My years as a celibate member prepared me for my life as a wife and mother

By Peg Bruer in Opus Dei blogs. She first learned of Opus Dei in 1966. Peg became a numerary member a few years later, when she was not quite 18. For fifteen years after that she lived in centers of Opus Dei in Boston, New York, Chicago, and Washington, D.C.

Since there are a few people who have related “horror stories” about the Work, I would like to share my experiences while I was a member of the Work, as well as my relationship with Opus Dei since ceasing to be a member in 1984. Perhaps by doing so, there will be parents or young people who will realize that Opus Dei is not to be feared or avoided, but in fact sought out as a great source of growing in one’s faith and setting out to serve God through daily work.

While in high school, I started attending some doctrinal classes at a college residence called Bayridge in Boston. From the beginning, I was grateful that the priest explained many points of the Catholic faith which had been glossed over in my religion classes at school. This doctrinal formation continues to be available through centers of Opus Dei, and I feel deeply indebted to the Work for all the hours of instruction which I received as a member of the Work for fifteen years and as a cooperator for the past 22 years.

I have relied on what I learned from classes sponsored by Opus Dei throughout my years in college, law school, professional life, and particularly as the mother of five. It is not a matter of “conservative” or “liberal” positions on issues, but rather what is the truth as taught by the Catholic Church. So much of the present-day confusion of many Catholics on topics such as abortion, euthanasia, artificial birth control, the purposes of marriage, the search for God’s will in each of our lives, could be clarified if only people had the opportunity to receive the solid doctrinal formation that Opus Dei provides.

I truly believe that my years as a celibate member of Opus Dei prepared me for my life as a wife and mother. Because the majority of members of Opus Dei are married, I learned that the essence of both the single life and married life is service to others. While living in a center of the Work, I tried to make life more pleasant for those who lived in the center; now I try to make life more pleasant for my husband and children. The current media effort to report “corporal mortification” used by members of Opus Dei (in the form of a cilice and discipline) as a shocking expose is laughable. For example, how many secular people spend hours each week in grueling exercise routines, sometimes rising at 5:00 a.m. to get in a workout before the workday begins, or deprive themselves of all fattening foods for the sake of achieving the ideal body? The discomfort of wearing a cilice is nothing in comparison.

Was I recruited by Opus Dei without knowing what I was getting into and without my parents’ knowledge? Absolutely not – in fact when I was about to join Opus Dei I talked with my parents about it that morning, and remember my father’s clear and very supernatural answer: “When each of my kids reached the age of adulthood (I had three older siblings, and three younger siblings) I permitted them to do whatever they thought was God’s will, and I will do the same with you. God bless you.”

Other allegations about Opus Dei have included that members are pariahs if they leave the “organization” and that the internal workings of Opus Dei are secretive. Believe me, if I thought I could reveal “secrets” from my years of life as a numerary, I would be seizing this Da Vinci Code moment to publish a book and reap windfall profits! Instead I can attest to witnessing many members of Opus Dei who practiced a complete dedication to God through detachment from material goods, who sacrificed their personal ambitions in order to be available for the needs of Opus Dei, who used every minute of the day well in order to get more done for the glory of God. For a period of time I was in charge of the accounts for the women’s section of Opus Dei in the Midwest. Every penny that was donated, and every penny that was spent was accounted for.

My experiences with Opus Dei since 1984 have been equally positive. When I met and decided to marry my husband, it was a priest of Opus Dei who gave us pre-Cana classes. We have often relied on his practical advice in resolving any controversy throughout twenty-one years of marriage. Shortly after marrying, a priest of Opus Dei asked my husband and me to help give classes in our parish to people who wanted to convert to Catholicism. When my mother died in 1990 several members of the Work brought dinners for my family and guests, and many of those I had known while in the Work attended the wake and funeral.

In the Jubilee Year, our family traveled to Rome. My fourth child was ready to receive her First Holy Communion, so I asked in advance if it might be possible for her to receive at the crypt of St. Josemaria. A priest from the United States who was then residing at the headquarters of Opus Dei celebrated a special Mass for our family and my daughter received her first Holy Communion in the Oratory of Our Lady of Peace. Our whole family considers that day a very special blessing from God. When the Founder of Opus Dei was canonized in 2002, I went to Rome again with my oldest daughter. I continue to feel that I owe St. Josemaria a great debt for all the formation I have received and the faith I have. Because of the doctrinal and spiritual formation I received in the Work, I was able to organize classes for parents of my children’s friends when our children were about to make their first Holy Communion.

For a period of time my family lived in Tulsa, Oklahoma, where there is no center of Opus Dei. However, several friends of mine became cooperators of the Work and we met weekly to pray together for Opus Dei and our own intentions. Over the years, my children have participated in camps organized by Opus Dei, as well as clubs and classes. While I have learned that I need to respect their freedom to attend these activities, I have also learned to use prayer as a weapon in helping them to make the best decision. For any parent who is concerned about their children’s growth in the faith, the support and assistance of Opus Dei is a godsend.

A final point I would like to refute is the role of women within Opus Dei. I have read some accounts by former members who say women are relegated to servant- like roles when taking care of the household tasks, the cleaning, laundry, and so forth in centers of Opus Dei. The fact is, the work of the home is considered a professional job, one that requires training and skill. I learned many aspects of household management while I was a numerary, and have since been able to use this knowledge in my own household. At various times I worked in the administration of some of the centers of the Opus Dei. However, I also acquired a B.A. in Political Science, and was encouraged to pursue my dream of becoming a lawyer. Once I became a lawyer, my goal was the same as that of anyone working in the household tasks of the center: sanctify my work, sanctify myself in my work, and try to sanctify others through my work. Opus Dei does not teach that there are levels of work that are more important than others, but that every job is important and becomes more valuable depending on how much love of God one puts into the job.